POST-IRONY IS NOT A MYTH

Jesse Pinkman will now address people as “Blue Ivy” instead of “bitch” in honor of Jay-Z’s daughter.

(Source: raptoravatar)

My Worst Movies of 2011:

10. Red State — An incoherent, rambling mess made all the worse by it’s own arrogant self-importance that seems to come from Kevin Smith’s pride in finally taking the camera off the tripod.

9.  Hangover II — Same shit but with a monkey and Thai people and no jokes.

8. ‎The Thing (2011) — ”Should we remake the original or just do a prequel?” “Let’s split the difference and make something that spends two hours explaining the first 40 minutes of the original while also having the same exact story.” “Should we have a shit ton of CGI and spend no time at all building tension?” “Yes. Yes we should.”

7. X-Men: First Class — The trailers promised a serious, angsty film about the birth of the mutant civil rights movement. The movie delivered a kitschy, campy half baked story that milks the Holocaust, indulges in unpleasant un-ironic sexism and characters so thinly realized they feel like something out of a video game.

6. Warrior — Finally, a sports movie that’s about believing in yourself to overcome all odds. And to have the courage to make it maudlin and boring? Bravo. 

5. Battle: Los Angeles — Dear aliens, a bit of advice, when you go to steal the water of a planet where 2/3 of it is covered in the stuff, maybe avoid the coast lines and just go to the middle of the ocean, far away from the people with guns.

4-1. Rubber — This pretentious, boring, art-schlock wankery is the cinematic equivalent of being lectured at by a French teenager who only watches late period Godard films and intentionally blows clove cigarette smoke in your face, topping it off with a self satisfied “You’re welcome.” 

I have no problem criticizing the narrative conventions of Hollywood films and how they often indulge our worst societal instincts but does it have to be so obnoxiously boring?